It’s that time of year again – list season. I love a good list. Maybe because my brain is so disorganized, or maybe because making a list is the easiest way to feel like you’ve accomplished something. But I’m not interesting in rehashing all the things I loved or hated about 2018, or listing all the things I want to do, or buy, or get rid of, or experience in 2019. I’ve read enough of those (or, let’s be honest, watched videos about them on YouTube). I’m over aspirational lists. In fact, I’m over a lot of things.
A couple of years ago, I picked up a book called “The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a F*ck“, a mind-decluttering homage to Marie Kondo. At the time, I appreciated the sentiment but struggled to actually stop giving a f*ck. Now, a couple of years, a couple of therapy sessions and one unexplained long-term illness later, and I’m finding it a lot easier to not care.
Stretching yourself thin is out. Violent disparagement of everything that doesn’t speak to you is in. In that spirit, here is my list of things I am so over in 2019.
- Feeling bad about returning things. I thought I wanted it, turns out I don’t. London Drugs will survive somehow.
- Worrying about how my roommate will feel if I ask him to clean something. There’s a 90% chance it’s his turn anyway, and I’m not the one leaving pretzels on the floor.
- Guys on Tinder who can’t string together a complete sentence. Put some effort in.
- Wondering if the creepy guy upstairs can hear me singing in my apartment. In fact, thinking about the creepy guy upstairs at all.
- Making sure that people who have rejected me feel comfortable about that decision. Yes, it’s a thing I do. Nope, not doing it anymore.
- Apologizing for being a slow hiker/skier/walker. I warned you.
- Replying to texts and phone calls immediately. I don’t actually do this, but I feel like I should, and I’m over it. I’ll text you when I’m finished serenading the creepy guy upstairs.
- The veins in your neck (I’m talking to you, 25% of Tinder profiles). I’m not a protein powder, thus do not care.
- Feeling like I SHOULD be open to dating that creepy/weird/bald/not-outdoorsy/”spiritual”/kind of mean/mysteriously unappealing for no apparent reason guy. I am not. Someone else will be -they can have him.
- Counting calories.
- Being afraid of my own feelings. I will be sad again. And anxious. And also happy. It’s all ok.
- Avoiding totally accepted business practices like asking clients to sign contracts and raising my rates. Doing these things, contrary to what anxiety tells me, do not make me a bad person.
- Feeling like a bad person. Asking for a ride doesn’t make me evil. Nor does cancelling a date, or getting frustrated with a friend, or taking a painkiller and becoming not-very-social during a social event.
- Discussing politics with my family. I am gracefully bowing out, forever.
- Mental math. I have a calculator on my phone.
- Underwear with holes in it. It’s uncomfortable and I can afford a new pair. WHAT AM I HOLDING ONTO HERE?
- Wearing my Invisalign aligners. It’s been 3 years -WHEN WILL IT END??
- People who want to “debate feminism”. No.
- Inconsiderate men. I will not be patient or give them another chance, or teach them how to care about my feelings, or laugh indulgently at their self-centredness. They can go think only about themselves with someone else – I have better things to do this year.
Onward and upwards, friends!